Acting Grown-up: Thank you cards written by men

Trying an idea for a new series, and it’s about being better at acting my age.

Valentine’s Day has just past so I was like many people in the card story in search of the perfect combination of beautiful graphics enclosing poignant Hallmark wisdom written by strangers to describe your feels towards someone so special to you. It was inside one card I did not chose that said an important phase “Thank you”. I say it all the time. I said it after I was handed the salt at dinner. I said it to a colleague who once again answered a question I have asked many time before. And when I received it, I said “no problem” which is not the way I really felt about what I had done, since it REALLY was a problem that I was interrupted to help out the requester.

I do not write Thank you cards. When I think about it, it seems so easy to do, so why the F*ck does it feel so impossible to do. To the Internet for guidance and support! I did research on Art of Manliness, Career Rocketeer, and Men’s Journal to come up with the best insight into doing it right.

Maybe you haven’t written, I mean hand written, a Thank you card since you received $20 from your Grandma on your 10^th birthday. Back then, you might have complained to your parents for days about being forced to do it , so that the next year your parents accepted you just calling Grandma. Even though I am going to explain all the wondrous reasons to write cards, we must accept that the custom is long outdated, and unnecessary since we all accept that everyone we know is too busy to take the time, so we assume that they are grateful or just maybe they will remember to mention it when we see them again. But these are exactly the reason we, as those of us seeking dandyism, should stand out from the crowd by bringing pen to paper.

To begin, we need to assess the best reasons why a card needs to be written.

• The simplest to understand case is when you receive a gift; just like the $20 from Granny.
• If you receive a favour, which is a type of a gift. This one I thought about and wondered if I would have to establish a threshold which the favour must exceed in order to initiate my search for a pen. Before I become an automatic card writer I figure that the favour must be above and beyond “just being neighbourly”. This should apply to friends, co-workers, and of course neighbours.
• Free accommodations with friends has long been the case when I have been lulled into believing a hug and offer of reciprocation is enough. I am wrong. You sleeping on your mate’s couch after a long night of drinking might be the exception from card writing, but when you and your kids finally clear out of your college friend’s apartment then that definitely warrants sending a card. If they showed you around town as well, a gift could be included in the card
•  Career Rocketeer was big on the post-interview Thank you card. I’d have to add that this also applies to very important business meetings that (could) have helped you reach your goals for promotion or financial gains.
•  If what the person did made you feel special or especially loved, then don’t hold back; tell them!

How you go about the activities of Thank you cards will come with some rules or guidance for your message and the process.

• I am a proponent for hand written although Men’s Journal was pretty clear that not everyone needs to be thanked, and not every Thank you needs to be hand written. If you do go with setting your limits then come up with what works for you. I’m going with hand written.
• Use a card or better yet use stationary. If you choose to buy a package of cards for your desk to make it easier and quicker to get the card out then do so with a style and look to suit you. Be choosey.
• Don’t wait. The importance a person can feel from your appreciation should not be delayed. Etiquette experts give acceptable periods when the Thank you is related to wedding gifts or condolences, but I’d say get the message out within the week following. Remember you’ll need to add a day or two to find a stamp.
• Try not to follow a formula in your message. Remember that after you thank a person they will understand you appreciate it and they will do more for you more often. 
• Don’t gush. Be professional. Be enthusiastic. 
• Be clear and concise.  Keep it under three sentences. If you feel you need to say more then you might be trying to say more than just Thank you. You might be in need of writing a letter about yourself more than making this about the other person and what they did for you.
• Your opener is simple: “Thank you very much for ______________.” If the gift was money, use a euphemism for it. Instead of “thank you for the dough,” say “thank you for your kindness/generosity/gift/business.”
• For closing: If the exchange (gift or favour) was at an event, write, “It was great to see you at ______”. Then say, “I hope we can get together again at ______”. Bringing up the possibilities in the future is important even when you do not see the person often.
• As for the Valediction (word for the day!) you will need to choose one that best conveys the meaning of your relationship. “Love” or even “Sincerely” does not work for the person who shoveled the sidewalk in front of your house. Consider these options: Yours Truly, Kindest Regards, Respectfully, or Best Regards.

I intended this post to focus on the Thank you card, I will still mention a part of expressing thanks and gratitude which could be the offering of a gift from you. Ask yourself, what would you like if the situation was reversed? Do you need to send a gift certificate for carpet cleaning after you brought your dog to your ex-girlfriend’s place for the weekend? Does the favour or gift you received exceed a personal limit you have that should in turn generate a gift exchange? For example, was the dinner check your colleague picked up pricey enough that you should leave a bottle of wine for them on Monday? Be aware of the relationship and the sentiment you are attempting to provide.

Finally, it is a common belief that people are not expecting hand-written notes. Email is a great tool for communication, but it is commonplace. I receive 60 to 80 emails per day; if you do too then you are unlikely to receive a Thank you email that stops you from churning though it to get to the next email. The act of touching an envelop, holding the card as you read is such a rare experience that we should give those who we appreciate a special feeling like the one they have given us.

Best Regards,
William A. Sanderson